I’m not going to get into details but there is a reason I am fat thats beyond the fact that I loved food and eating out. This fat suit served a purpose. It kept people away. I was in control of who I let past the walls I have up around me and I didnt have to deal with men hitting on me.
Since I’ve back to work this week I’ve been bombarded with compliments. At first they made me feel good. I was happy that people had noticed the difference in my appearance. Especially since I dont see the changes that much.
I cant walk around at work anywhere without someone stopping me to tell me how great I look or how pretty I am. At first it made me smile but now its making me cry. I dont know what to say. I’m not used to this sort of attention. I don’t really know how to react to it.
A guy at work (who I’ve know for a couple of years now) told me he thinks I’m really pretty. He’s always told me this though. Its not just because Ive lost the weight. But finally he asked me when we were going to hang out. I dont remember what I said but he got the hint that I wasnt interested. So later in the day when I saw him again he called me pretty girl. I must have given him a weird look because he came over and whispered to me… “you dont know how to handle all the attention you’re getting, do you?” I almost cried. It was really hard to hold back the tears. I was honest and told him absolutely not and that everytime someone says something nice I want to run away and cry. Then later on today some friends were telling me how happy they are that I finally got the surgery and how good I look and I started crying.
I just cant handle the compliments. I totally broke today. There was lots of drama at work so that might have something to do with it. Maybe I’m just really stressed out. All I know is that it makes me terribly sad that I’m 31 years old and crying when people tell me I’m pretty. I should be excited and happy but I’m not.
I’m scared.
I think I might need therapy to help get me through this.
Melissa…girl, we need to talk sistah! Hehehe, you know what you do for now if you can’t handle it? You just get as much courage as you can and as hard as it may seem, just say thank you and smile. Then that will end it. I used to cry when people complimented me, for me it was like…gosh was I hideous before i lost weight, or are you just saying this cause you want something, or are you saying this cause you are my friend or family and you feel like you have to? Whatever the reason behind their motivation to tell you that they think that you are pretty or that YOU ARE pretty…it is a hard thing to do for them. Not everyone can dish out a compliment with ease. Practice, practice, practice. I promise you that it will get easier. You were pretty before, but now that you are losing weight, you shinning more and more and along with your outwardly good looks, people are seeing your real you come out even more and more. That smile and soon to follow the confidence is going to be just too much for anyone to resist. It does not mean conceit, just a pep in your step that says that things are good. Pretty is pretty big or small and we have to believe it. Ride this wave of excitement out as far as you can. If you can’t accept yourself being pretty or getting the attention, just try and pretend that you do…the rest will fall into place. There has got to be something on you or about your appearance that you like…your hair, your eyes, your smile, your skin, (the junk in the trunk…cuz it sucks when ya ain’t got none), your left thumb or your right pinky…whatever it is…dwell on that for now. Focus on your positives and the more positive you are to yourself, the more you will start believing the compliments. You did not go through all of this pain for nothing Melissa…go out there and ride that wave. You may fall off a thousand times, but keep trying girly-q…I promise. There is so much that comes from having a positive out look on life, but mostly with ourselves…I love you Melissa.
Here is your challenge…tell me at least one or two things that you like about your physical appearance, and if you really do say your big toe or your left canine tooth, Imma beat you!
My PINKY toe and my RIGHT canine tooth! HA!
I love you Coffi!
Ummm I like my lips and thats about it lol
I’ll get back to you on this in a couple of months.
Love you and glad you made it home safe from Finland!
Can you please say eyes too? You have great “those” too. Ok, you have to remember to tell me in a couple months then.
Glad to be back…thanks!
Neat site Melissa. I like it. Write more! ((((HUG))))) Cry less.
I know it’s tough… I guess this is one of those “fake it till you make it” situations: just smile and say “thank you”
Therapy isn’t a bad idea, whether it’s a one on one thing or a group, or some sort of face to face support. I love my blog buddies, but also know there’s nothing like REAL PHYSICAL hugs and personal interaction.
I love your writings. Preach on…
Yes, yes, yes.
It’s almost creepy how overwhelming it is. I want to a party last night and it was like the sharks were circling. There’s no buffer and well, I feel like I am naked all the time.
The fat suit helped with the times when I didn’t want to deal or come out of my shell. It’s scary and weird sometimes.
Hang in there, sis! It gets better.
it’s going to be scary a lot of the time. opting for some counseling/therapy is a fantastic idea. it’ll help you work through past issues so they don’t transfer into new issues. it’ll help you cope with the attention and ease fears that it might be false or laced with malicious intent.
you may go through phases where some of your heavier friends resent your success in weightloss.
you may go through phases where you hate your body and think things like, “ugh at least when i was fat i didn’t have to tuck & secure my tits like rolled socks…” and it’ll rock you to the core…
but the goal overall is better health. and what’s a better place to start off than from the inside-out!
i fully support bariatric patients pushing for therapy. as it is i don’t think the initial psycoholgical exam/analysis is thorough enough and post-op counseling will be beneficial for those who slipped through the cracks as well as post-ops who just…need to talk it through/let it out/learn coping mechanisms/ease anxiety, etc..
you have so much support and so many people who love you & genuinely want nothing but health & happiness for you. lean on us when you need to and don’t be afraid of opening up to your family as well. they’ll always be there for you.
<3
I know you are dealing with stuff…are you okay?
Wow…. This made me do a doubletake. It’s like you crawled in my head, and read what’s in the Inner Head Journal — the one I hardly ever even read back to myself (and defionitely NOT the one I share with others).
Wow.
I am a large lady, and this really struck me as High Truth… an answer I was looking for, but couldn’t put a finger on (or maybe I was too scared to look at it…? )
Thanks for writing it, and for posting it. Keep growing — you’re wonderful (and a great role model). And pretty.
– Deb/Loba